Andrea shared this video with me about an artist, Theaster Gates, who is making art out of reclaimed materials. In one piece he uses the tiles from a Catholic Church Roof and says "...maybe there's a way that fracturing of those sacred parts, could allow us to continue to have sacred experience." For me this reminds me of Mindfulness and how it has fractured Buddhist teachings and practices. But does this mean that we can no longer experience the sacred when we practice Mindfulness?
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Taken from my journal 11th March 2017 Reverend Angel Kyodo Williams, Sensei, author, activist, Founder of Center for Transformative Change speaks at the Mindful Leadership Conference, March 11th 2017. The Mindful Leadership Conference was a free online conference between March 1st and 10th. A variety of inspirational mindful leaders were interviewed. Unfortunately, the interview with each speaker was only available for 48 hours so I made notes. I watched Rev. Angel Kyodo Williams speak and was incredibly moved by what she had to say. She gave a talk on the idea of being present and the practice of presence as a leader. She spoke of the concept of "Defendedness". How we each spend a lot of time defending our positions, our views and our territory. According to Rev. Williams, this "defendedness" alerts the fight or flight response, the "you're food or I'm food" response as she referred to it. This creates minor contractions in the body, but if we can become more relaxed, we can become less defended and better able to stand back from this fight or flight response. When we are defended, our bodies become smaller as well as our minds. By practicing being present we can alter the parasympathetic nervous state, our breathing rates and widen our peripheral vision. This is turn affects those around us. As Rev.Williams states "As we choose to become more present, we become more present and everyone becomes more present." She states that presence allows more space inside of us to allow other viewpoints and we become more inclusive. "It's not about 'staying present' right? It's actually about choosing to be present over and over again and to stitch together this little thread of , like, being present now, being present now, being present now...Oh I lost attention and I came back and I choose to be present again." This to me, is enlightenment. As I heard this, I imagine a piece of fabric with stitches on it. When attention is lost a new thread is started, again and again and again. Rev. Williams went onto to explain that when we are not present in conversation with others we are are either, taking a back seat, observing and not engaging or we are caught up in the emotion, leaving ourselves so that we are the emotion. The interviewer asked "What would you say to someone who is intrigued by this type of leadership but worries they will be left behind in a competitive world?'' This reminded me of the discussions we have had in class. People have wondered how do we improve ourselves, without striving. Some asked isn't it good to seek self-improvement? Isn't some competition healthy? I think this is like the discussion we have had about grades and people feeling an attachment to grades as a means of showing how they have improved and fair in comparison to others. I just loved Rev. Williams response; "I would say two things. One thing that happens for us is our system of evaluation, of validation, what we choose to value is actually a result of our worldview and the perspectives that we currently have. And so as you choose to be present, what you value in terms of how you operate and what you think is worth competing for will begin to shift. That's actually something to really recognize. What is important to us in terms of how we spend our time, our energy, our life force, how we choose to balance begins to shift. We become more present to our lives and to what is going on for us. You may begin, and I almost want to say this is like a Buddha warning label on being present, is that you may begin to re-evaluate and re-interrogate what actually matters to you and find that some of the locations that you are in and some of the things that you have gotten caught up with, in terms of thinking that's the thing what you have to pursue or that's the thing you have to get. That might shift for you as you become more present. The very interesting thing is though, that in whatever way it shifts for you, that's actually an organic shift of you choosing to be more of who you are. And so you become more of who you are and your sense of values and alignment with those values become more at the forefront. You end up being a person who is more content with your life choices and the way we think about that competition becomes less interesting to us overall. So it's not that you are knocked out of it, it's that you relate to it differently. Now all that said, paradoxically, there is then attraction to that greater sense of presence. Personally, I find that the more present I am, I do less active competing, so I'm not in active competition and actually things come to me." YES! This is exactly what I have been experiencing as I have gone through the masters program "Love and justice are not two. Without inner change, there can be no outer change. Without collective change, no change matters", Reverend Angel Kyodo Williams I really liked Rev. Williams' perspective so I looked for other talks by her and came across this video. Very powerful! After watching this video, I have used the "presencing" practice several times. As a woman, I find it incredibly powerful, as often women in society are told to take up less space. This practice helps be to take up my space in the here and now. Taken from my journal 8th March 2017
I read a really interesting article in Tricycle by William Parsons called Spiritual But Not Religious-Past and Present. (Tricycle, Spring 2017 p.g.48-49) According to Parsons I'm spiritual "suggests openness to religious wisdom , without the false trappings and mendacity of religious dogma, rituals or hierarchies" (pg. 48). Parsons claims that such people are seeking the highs that come from religious wisdom and practice without the dry doctrine. According to Parsons, SBNR have been called "navel-gazers". They have been criticised for being too individualistic and not recognising the need for social activism. He states that people have become suspicious of religion, rejecting rights to absolute authority, pointing out the complicity of organised religion in sustaining gender inequalities and structural racism and in perpetuating unfair forms of economic, social and political power. Parsons described the evolution of Spiritual But Not Religious. 1) Liberal religious traditions such as Transcendentalism, Unitarianism and Quakers may have laid a path for SNBR. They valued individuality, solitude, inner silence, ethical reforms, creative self-expression and tolerance. 2) Within psychology, religion has been deconstructed and reframed as an element of human projection and an expression of social and cultural power. Jung stated that religion and spirituality is not outside us but inside us in our deepest unconsciousness. 3) In the academy Freud, Marx, Nietzsche and Foucault scrutinized and carried out a critical analysis of religion. Parsons describes SBNR possessing the following qualities and outlook - individualism - free creative choice and expression - egalitarianism - psychological and therapeutic approach to spiritual growth - seeker/quester/consumer mentality - diverse background - lean to left politically - believe that humans are basically good - can participate in community - pantheistic/ monistic in outlook - affirm liberationist ethic I can relate to this. I see myself and others in the masters class in the description. I had to look up the meaning of pantheistic and monistic. Pantheism is the belief that everything is part of an all encompassing god. Monisticism is the belief that a variety of existing things are explained by one substance or theory. The symbol below was used by the Pythagoreans and Greeks to represent the first metaphysical being- the Monad or The Absolute. This image made me think of my paintings. The circle again..... "When I allow myself to feel my body, when I can inhabit it and allow myself to close off the world beyond my flesh, I become who I am- energy and spirit. I am not my mind. I am not my brain. I am stardust, comets, nebulae and galaxies. I am trees and wind and stone. I am space. I am emptiness and wholeness at the same time. That is when my body sings to me, a glorious ancient song redolent with mystery seeking to remain mystery. Connecting to it, living with it, becoming it even for a moment, I am healed and made more. Ceremony- whatever brings you closer to your essential self." (pg.54)
Taken from my journal 2nd March 2017 I love talking to Joan. She is a good listener and helps me to figure out my thoughts. After the class with Michelle, I wanted to know what she thought about all of this...religion, spirituality and mindfulness. Joan told me she believes in mysticism and magic. She is adverse to religion and finds herself actively resisting it. She says she holds a quantum physics/ metaphysics perspective. Energy passed on from one thing to another. She used the example of the Enzo that I have been studying. From nothing there is something which returns to nothing. She believes there is divinity in everything. We spoke of my issue with religion. Often the person who had the big ideas is held up as better than everyone else. They are held up as opposed to their ideas. I don't like the idea of worshipping a person or deity, as if they are above me, greater than me. Who says? Such power can come with abuse of power What is enlightenment? How do we know what it is? Who says? Who decides? If we don't know what it is, how do we know if we have reached it? If someone is enlightened does that make them better than everyone else? If one is seeking enlightenment, does that not mean they are pursuing an end point, a goal, a place above? Isn't that just like aiming for heaven? I prefer to think there is no end point rather it's a process. I spoke to Joan about my questions about mindfulness. If mindfulness is a part of a collection of practices and it is not intended to to be used in isolation, does that mean I should have the other practices too? If I lived by the other practices would that make me a Buddhist? Can one study Buddhism, do the practices and not be a Buddhist? What if I don't want to do the other practices because I don't like them or agree with them? Does this somehow make me less than? If a philosophy has practices and a doctrine about how to perceive the world does that make it a religion? What is another word for spirituality that doesn't have the word spirit in it? Where does the word spirit originate? Has its meaning changed over time? I have a problem with the idea of spirit because, where is it? Where is it located? Are we not a set of chemicals and transmission of energy between cells? If this creates random beauty and amazing moments of wonder, why does it have to be created? Is there not wonder in all things? Does not each thing have divinity and equal measures of wonder? Perhaps I worship nature. I keep coming back to the Enzo. From nothing there is something that is nothing. "ME: What if we're wrong? OLD WOMAN: Wrong about what? ME: All this ceremony, prayer, meditation. What if, at the end of it all, all there is is nothing? OLD WOMAN: Then we still come out better people. ME: How? OLD WOMAN: Can you think of a better way to live than in gratitude? Can you think of a better way to be than to be kind, loving, compassionate, respectful, courageous, truthful and forgiving? Even if we're wrong, can you think of a better way to breathe than through all that? I couldn't. I can't. I continue...." Taken from my journal 26th February 2017
I find the concept of values hard to understand. What are values? Definition of values according to the Oxford Dictionary: "Principles or standards of behaviour; one's judgement of what is important in life." If someone asked me what are my values, I don't know if I could answer. In the session today, we were asked to imagine we were near the end of our lives and were looking back on the years between then and now. We were asked to contemplate the following questions: What would have given you deep satisfaction, joy and contentment? What values did you embody that gave your life meaning? What core values were expressed in your life? Here is what I came up with... FIDELITY LOYALTY FRIENDSHIP COURAGE AUTHENTICITY HONESTY CARE AND COMPASSION BEING TRUE TO MYSELF LOVE EDUCATION These could be called my primary core values. We were then asked to consider How are you not living in accordance with your values? What obstacles are getting in the way of living in accordance with your values? Can self-kindness and self-compassion help you to live more in accordance with your values? We were asked to select one primary core value that we would like to manifest for the rest of our lives and make it into a vow such as May I...It was at this point that I noticed my resistance to the word "Vow". Definition of vows according to Oxford dictionary "A set of solemn promises committing one to a prescribed role, calling, or course of action, typically to marriage or a monastic career." It has religious undertones for me which I find myself having a negative reaction to. But, on reflection how many of my core values are based in Christianity? While my family did not go to church except for weddings and christenings, I think I was surrounded by Christian values. This was the hidden curriculum of my early life. My primary school assembly would have readings and stories from the Bible. The school went to the local Church of England on Christian holidays. I can hear my Dad's voice saying "treat your neighbour the way you wish to be treated". My Dad went to Sunday school as a child. I can hear him advising me on the "right" way to behave. ......Thou shalt not steal...... Thou shalt not kill. Are these values or morals?Definition of morals according to the Oxford Dictionary: "Standards of behaviour; principles of right and wrong." Are there universal values? Why am I comfortable with Buddhist practices and values but not the Christian practices and values that I grew up with? Are they so different? Taken from my journal 26th February 2017
Sometimes I notice my thoughts are like a tethered helium balloon in the wind. They rise and want to go higher but I tie them to the practice and keep tugging them back down. Sometimes they bob and wrestle in the wind. Over time, I notice and try to control them less. 'Life is sometimes hard. There are challenges. There are difficulties. There is pain. As a younger man, I sought to avoid pain and difficulty and only caused myself more of the same. These days, I choose to face life head on- and I have become a comet. I arc across the sky of my life and the hard times are the friction that shaves off the worn and tired bits. The more I travel head-on, the more I am shaped, and the things that no longer work or are unnecessary drop away. It's a good way to travel. I believe eventually I will wear away all the resistance, until all that's left of me is light."
Beholding The Away Team Beam Down to What Appears to be an Uninhabited Planet by Sonny Assu (2016)2/13/2017
https://www.vanartgallery.bc.ca/the_exhibitions/exhibit_assu.html
Taken from my journal notes on 13th February 2017.
I visited We Come to Witness: Sonny Assu in Dialogue with Emily Carr exhibit at the Vancouver Art gallery. It was BC Family Day and there were lots of bemused children running around with their parents. A children's entertainer had a large group of little curious bodies accumulated around him on the ground floor. I was glad to reach the quiet of the highest floor. I browsed the exhibit by Sonny Assu to find the piece that sparked a reaction in me. I did not read the information about the exhibit on the walls. I found the piece I wanted to do my beholding with. It took up the entirety of a wall and was called The Away Team Beam Down to what Appears to be an Uninhabited Planet (2016). Thankfully, there was a bench in front of the piece where I could sit. I put on my noise cancelling headphones to drown out the distracting noise of excited squeals around me. I set the timer on my phone for 15 minutes. Initially, I am self-conscious about what I may look like sat here, not moving in the masses passing through. I take a few deep breaths and then I look. I slowly scan the image, moving horizontally, then vertically. I notice my reactions and thoughts about what I see. When my attention wanders I bring it back and start again. I look at shape and colour and light. I notice where my attention wants to linger. I notice where my attention wants to avoid. I comment on what I am seeing, making sense of it. I wonder what the artist was trying to convey. What is he trying to say. What do I think about it. What are my reactions to the this. I notice what is happening in my body throughout. I notice what I am feeling. When the timer rings, I stop looking and then I write. Don't look. Look at the painting behind. Try not to look at the graffiti on top. How dare he deface this beautiful painting. What was he thinking?! Logs on the beach chopped down. Used driftwood. Abandoned. Empty. No civilisation. Dark mountains and shadows of clouds loom in the background. Flat brush, angular geometric shards, beam. Monochromatic shades of blue, green and brown. Empty and deserted. Baron, remote, vast. No people. There are beams or blocks of colour rays coming down from the sky to the land. Blending is gentle from dark to light. Then there is the image. Looks like a spaceship, beaming search lights across the land. Aliens. Who are the aliens. Are we the aliens? The colonisers? The English? The non-native? What is an ovoid? Is it like an Enzo? What is it's symbolism? Who is searching? If the British are the aliens and they are searching for land to populate, why use native images and symbolism to represent them? Oh! Is this what appropriation feels like? To take someone elses art, culture, narrative and put your own stamp on it? Is this what it feels like to be defiled, disrespected, angry...? Why the choice of bright yellow, green and orange? It's like a graffiti tag. Orange..Heat? Danger? Burn? Did he use orange because it is the opposite of blue. It shows the absolute contrast to the blues and greens of the landscape. Is he saying "You can't ignore us, we were here first. You can pretend in your stories that the land you took was uninhabited if that makes you feel better- BUT IT WASN'T!!! Shame. Guilt. Defensiveness. In our stories, how are aliens depicted? They are invaders, aggressors, a threat. They came because they need something from us. They don't ask. They take. They swallow up, take over, take power. Impose their ways. Annihilate those on the land already. Take their resources. Push out those living there before. I think Emily used paint or pastel. It's flat, smooth with areas of sharp highlight and contrast. Sonny's image is graphic, modern, like spray paint. Digital. In contrast. First nations were here first. Is this his attempt to rebrand, to show the young people of First Nations. Who they are now. He stamped over her name and signature with two ovoids. Is this a collaboration or a challenge? Like me does he have mixed feelings about the work? What does he think about her bringing awareness of the place to the masses. Does he think they should have painted something else in a different way? If so- what? and how? There are tiny flashes of orange in the in the image. In the distant sunrise or sunset. In the bark of the trees, like sawdust. How do I feel when I look at the image? Sad. Angry. Confused. Rebellious. I just don't know who for.
I watched as one by one the children came up to the desk and bar of soap. Curious they reached out to touch it. Some even went to sit on the seat. Red-faced embarrassed parents shooed them on "Don't touch that!" they said. "But why is it here?" I heard one child ask. There was no answer.......
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Helen Kennett-BaconOriginally from South Yorkshire in England, I've lived with my husband Neil in Kitsilano, Vancouver for 10 years. We are fur-parents to our French bulldog Dave, I am a Registered Psychiatric Nurse specialising in ADHD. Archives
April 2017
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