"ME: What if we're wrong? OLD WOMAN: Wrong about what? ME: All this ceremony, prayer, meditation. What if, at the end of it all, all there is is nothing? OLD WOMAN: Then we still come out better people. ME: How? OLD WOMAN: Can you think of a better way to live than in gratitude? Can you think of a better way to be than to be kind, loving, compassionate, respectful, courageous, truthful and forgiving? Even if we're wrong, can you think of a better way to breathe than through all that? I couldn't. I can't. I continue...."
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Taken from my journal 26th February 2017
I find the concept of values hard to understand. What are values? Definition of values according to the Oxford Dictionary: "Principles or standards of behaviour; one's judgement of what is important in life." If someone asked me what are my values, I don't know if I could answer. In the session today, we were asked to imagine we were near the end of our lives and were looking back on the years between then and now. We were asked to contemplate the following questions: What would have given you deep satisfaction, joy and contentment? What values did you embody that gave your life meaning? What core values were expressed in your life? Here is what I came up with... FIDELITY LOYALTY FRIENDSHIP COURAGE AUTHENTICITY HONESTY CARE AND COMPASSION BEING TRUE TO MYSELF LOVE EDUCATION These could be called my primary core values. We were then asked to consider How are you not living in accordance with your values? What obstacles are getting in the way of living in accordance with your values? Can self-kindness and self-compassion help you to live more in accordance with your values? We were asked to select one primary core value that we would like to manifest for the rest of our lives and make it into a vow such as May I...It was at this point that I noticed my resistance to the word "Vow". Definition of vows according to Oxford dictionary "A set of solemn promises committing one to a prescribed role, calling, or course of action, typically to marriage or a monastic career." It has religious undertones for me which I find myself having a negative reaction to. But, on reflection how many of my core values are based in Christianity? While my family did not go to church except for weddings and christenings, I think I was surrounded by Christian values. This was the hidden curriculum of my early life. My primary school assembly would have readings and stories from the Bible. The school went to the local Church of England on Christian holidays. I can hear my Dad's voice saying "treat your neighbour the way you wish to be treated". My Dad went to Sunday school as a child. I can hear him advising me on the "right" way to behave. ......Thou shalt not steal...... Thou shalt not kill. Are these values or morals?Definition of morals according to the Oxford Dictionary: "Standards of behaviour; principles of right and wrong." Are there universal values? Why am I comfortable with Buddhist practices and values but not the Christian practices and values that I grew up with? Are they so different? Taken from my journal 26th February 2017
Sometimes I notice my thoughts are like a tethered helium balloon in the wind. They rise and want to go higher but I tie them to the practice and keep tugging them back down. Sometimes they bob and wrestle in the wind. Over time, I notice and try to control them less. 'Life is sometimes hard. There are challenges. There are difficulties. There is pain. As a younger man, I sought to avoid pain and difficulty and only caused myself more of the same. These days, I choose to face life head on- and I have become a comet. I arc across the sky of my life and the hard times are the friction that shaves off the worn and tired bits. The more I travel head-on, the more I am shaped, and the things that no longer work or are unnecessary drop away. It's a good way to travel. I believe eventually I will wear away all the resistance, until all that's left of me is light."
Beholding The Away Team Beam Down to What Appears to be an Uninhabited Planet by Sonny Assu (2016)2/13/2017
https://www.vanartgallery.bc.ca/the_exhibitions/exhibit_assu.html
Taken from my journal notes on 13th February 2017.
I visited We Come to Witness: Sonny Assu in Dialogue with Emily Carr exhibit at the Vancouver Art gallery. It was BC Family Day and there were lots of bemused children running around with their parents. A children's entertainer had a large group of little curious bodies accumulated around him on the ground floor. I was glad to reach the quiet of the highest floor. I browsed the exhibit by Sonny Assu to find the piece that sparked a reaction in me. I did not read the information about the exhibit on the walls. I found the piece I wanted to do my beholding with. It took up the entirety of a wall and was called The Away Team Beam Down to what Appears to be an Uninhabited Planet (2016). Thankfully, there was a bench in front of the piece where I could sit. I put on my noise cancelling headphones to drown out the distracting noise of excited squeals around me. I set the timer on my phone for 15 minutes. Initially, I am self-conscious about what I may look like sat here, not moving in the masses passing through. I take a few deep breaths and then I look. I slowly scan the image, moving horizontally, then vertically. I notice my reactions and thoughts about what I see. When my attention wanders I bring it back and start again. I look at shape and colour and light. I notice where my attention wants to linger. I notice where my attention wants to avoid. I comment on what I am seeing, making sense of it. I wonder what the artist was trying to convey. What is he trying to say. What do I think about it. What are my reactions to the this. I notice what is happening in my body throughout. I notice what I am feeling. When the timer rings, I stop looking and then I write. Don't look. Look at the painting behind. Try not to look at the graffiti on top. How dare he deface this beautiful painting. What was he thinking?! Logs on the beach chopped down. Used driftwood. Abandoned. Empty. No civilisation. Dark mountains and shadows of clouds loom in the background. Flat brush, angular geometric shards, beam. Monochromatic shades of blue, green and brown. Empty and deserted. Baron, remote, vast. No people. There are beams or blocks of colour rays coming down from the sky to the land. Blending is gentle from dark to light. Then there is the image. Looks like a spaceship, beaming search lights across the land. Aliens. Who are the aliens. Are we the aliens? The colonisers? The English? The non-native? What is an ovoid? Is it like an Enzo? What is it's symbolism? Who is searching? If the British are the aliens and they are searching for land to populate, why use native images and symbolism to represent them? Oh! Is this what appropriation feels like? To take someone elses art, culture, narrative and put your own stamp on it? Is this what it feels like to be defiled, disrespected, angry...? Why the choice of bright yellow, green and orange? It's like a graffiti tag. Orange..Heat? Danger? Burn? Did he use orange because it is the opposite of blue. It shows the absolute contrast to the blues and greens of the landscape. Is he saying "You can't ignore us, we were here first. You can pretend in your stories that the land you took was uninhabited if that makes you feel better- BUT IT WASN'T!!! Shame. Guilt. Defensiveness. In our stories, how are aliens depicted? They are invaders, aggressors, a threat. They came because they need something from us. They don't ask. They take. They swallow up, take over, take power. Impose their ways. Annihilate those on the land already. Take their resources. Push out those living there before. I think Emily used paint or pastel. It's flat, smooth with areas of sharp highlight and contrast. Sonny's image is graphic, modern, like spray paint. Digital. In contrast. First nations were here first. Is this his attempt to rebrand, to show the young people of First Nations. Who they are now. He stamped over her name and signature with two ovoids. Is this a collaboration or a challenge? Like me does he have mixed feelings about the work? What does he think about her bringing awareness of the place to the masses. Does he think they should have painted something else in a different way? If so- what? and how? There are tiny flashes of orange in the in the image. In the distant sunrise or sunset. In the bark of the trees, like sawdust. How do I feel when I look at the image? Sad. Angry. Confused. Rebellious. I just don't know who for.
I watched as one by one the children came up to the desk and bar of soap. Curious they reached out to touch it. Some even went to sit on the seat. Red-faced embarrassed parents shooed them on "Don't touch that!" they said. "But why is it here?" I heard one child ask. There was no answer.......
Taken from my journal 12th February 2017
I have found the Lovingkindness meditation to be very powerful. Lovingkindness can be defined as "The wish that all sentient beings may be happy." Dalai Lama (cited in Germer & Neff 2016) In the Lovingkindness meditation, we first direct the lovingkindness wishes toward ourselves before directing it toward others. Traditionally, the words may go something like: May I be happy, May I be peaceful, May I be healthy, May I live with ease. We were asked to write lovingkindness wishes that are deeply meaningful for ourselves, by asking ourselves "What do I need? What do I truly need? These are the wishes I wrote for myself May I be nurtured. May I be nourished. May I be strong. May I be loved. In the session today Sarah said lovingkindness is like "gentle rain, it takes a while to soak through to the roots." I thought this was lovely February 12th 2017 We did a guided exercise called Awakening the Heart this week. This is an exercise to reflect upon how our hearts can hold both love and joy, alongside pain. A powerful image came to me during the meditation. I saw an open door. Through the open door, I could see a vast expanse, a cosmos with no end. A black hole. This is all the suffering in the world. A girl in a kimono stood and bowed toward the open door. This seemed to be a humble act of respect and honouring rather than complete surrender. The image lingered in my thoughts so I drew it to my art therapy session. As I looked at the image I drew, I thought about all the pain I have felt since my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Seeing my Dad sick has forced me to confront he will die one day. However devastating this thought is, it will happen. I thought about how I can not control what happens to the people I love. I think I am in control but I'm not really. The reality is whether I like it or not, there is a lot of suffering in the world. This is a humbling thought. It is said that pain plus resistance equals suffering. Resistance is when we do not accept how things truly are. So as I think about my Dad, I bow down to the universe...... "ME: What is the point of prayer and meditation?
OLD WOMAN: To bring you closer to the Great Mystery ME: So I can understand it? OLD WOMAN: No. So you can be participate in it. I grew up spiritually after that." Taken from my journal 8th February 2017
Amarit invited our group to attend an evening of inspirational talks called Find Your Love organised by Living Atman. Amarit's husband Preet Marwaha, vegan chef and founder of Organic Lives was one of the speakers. Preet presented a short talk on food. He told us about his time as a quality assurer in a slaughterhouse. He said he wanted to see what happened in slaughterhouses for himself. What he said really touched me. He spoke of seeing cows crying on their way to being killed. He spoke of seeing a cow kicked by a worker and hurt. The other cows formed a protective circle around the cow. This really hit home. I eat meat but I am the worst type of carnivore. I do not want to know or think about what I am eating. I do not want the meat I eat to look like the animal it came from. I am in conscious denial. I do not want to think that harm or pain was caused to animals because of me. Some of this started when I got my french bulldog Dave. I love him so much. He's my baby and I feel pain if I see him in pain. I do all I can to protect him. But this program has got me thinking. What makes him more precious than another animal? In South Korea they eat dogs. I still can't get a photo out of my head of dogs strung up in a bag, squashed in, waiting to be killed. The look of fear in their eyes still haunts me. How can anyone do that?!! The thought of my Dave being treated that way just kills me! So as Preet spoke of the cows crying, I cried. Tears ran down my face. He broke me. We have been learning about different philosophies that view all creatures as interrelated. Aboriginal philosophy tells us "We are all related." As I have become more mindful, I have become more compassionate. I have become less able to live with things that contradict my values or do not sit well with me. My compassion is spreading. As another speaker that night said, "Life is an indivisable whole. We can not love in the one part and not another." Bir Kaur Khalsa O'Flaherty, Kundalini Yoga Teacher. From that night, I decided not to eat meat. I don't know if it will be forever but it is for now. I do not like to think that I am causing another creature to cry with fear. "I've been considering the phase "all my relations" for some time now. It's hugely important. It's our saving grace in the end. It points to the truth that we are all related, that we are all connected, that we all belong to each other. The most important word is "all". Not just those who look like me, sing like me, pray like me or behave like me. ALL my relations. That means every person, just as it means every rock, mineral, blade of grass, and creature. We live because everything else does. If we were to choose collectively to live that teaching, the energy of our change of consciousness would heal each of us- and heal the planet." (pg. 36)
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Helen Kennett-BaconOriginally from South Yorkshire in England, I've lived with my husband Neil in Kitsilano, Vancouver for 10 years. We are fur-parents to our French bulldog Dave, I am a Registered Psychiatric Nurse specialising in ADHD. Archives
April 2017
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