A note about process I have previously used paint on canvas to convey my ideas and concepts. Embodiment, to me, called for three dimensional art such as sculpture. I chose clay because I wanted to have direct contact with the medium, unlike painting where the brush or tool is between me and the paint. I wanted to transform into form on the outside what is inside. Each sculpture is a vision that came to me after a movement class in the dance studio with Celeste. I saw of how my body felt. Once created, the sculptures showed me how I thought about and experienced my body. They showed the progression of my embodiment process as I embarked upon the start of a journey toward acceptance and self-compassion.
No. 1 All in the Head I imagine myself as this geometric shape. A square, Small in comparison To the big round sphere on top. Perched on the edge, As if it will roll, loll, or tumble. Unbalanced. Weight in the head. A Head too big for a body. All focus is on this sphere. Heavy, Unbalanced awareness, Lolling. Careful! It looks like it could topple. Surprising, For beneath there is a square Squat and sturdy Unisex and strong, Defined edges. Oblique. Wishfully symmetrical. You see, it’s all about the head. All in the head.
No.2 Crushed, Twisted and Numb I notice I am compressed like a concertina. All head and shoulders and arms and chest. Then squashed from rib to knee. What would it feel like to lift, raise and release, to create space and air. To notice the gap of attention/intention about the belly, hips, pelvis and thighs. What would it feel like to expand the concertina. Feel depth and breadth between. What would it feel like to walk like a child imitating a queen walking down the aisle to her throne. To walk from pelvis and hip stretched out, to point toe and and arch, taking up space, rather a rotary hobbling along, compressed, ashamed, shy, and hiding behind fat.
No.3 Reaching for Elegant Sufficiency I am grounded but reaching for more, to be good enough.
“The Praxis is what we reach through. Through the praxis we are opened to the teaching. The praxis is a contemplation. It is an inquiry. The discipline is the sacred learning. By tracking through life writing we can learn about what we are doing. The discipline is the instrument for the learning spirit to reach to become our elegant sufficiency” Vicki Kelly (Personal communication May 14th 2016)
Enzo
The brush on the canvas feels so good! At first I hold the brush with one hand but at this distance it is awkward at the turn and my wrist has to extend at a strange angle. Alters the flow of the paint and adds hesitation to the swoosh and sweep. I feel bold at that first enzo. The canvas untouched and virgin. I breath as I move the brush in a circle each time. One breath released with each circle. Slowly releasing the breath with the stroke of the brush. I find myself holding my breath intermittently with anticipation of the stroke. I close my eyes and feel the circular motion. Watch the brushstroke evolve. I never know what will happen. How the paint will look as it appears behind the brush. I am not consciously deliberate in the pressure I apply. I become more deliberate in pressure and width of stroke. When the painting progresses, an instinct, my gut, tells me Put that there, Do that here. More. Less. Hard. Thick. Gentle. Light. I decide to hold the brush with both hands. Oooh that feels good. I feel in charge of the brush. More in control of its heft and wieldiness. As I look at the image now before me, I can't help but repeat the movement. Move my torso in a circle, around and around. Enzo after enzo after enzo. One after another after another. I feel the circle. Afterward I feel cleansed. There is space, breath, emptiness. I feel tired. Energy expended. My inside is now outside. Most of all, I feel calm. I can recall moments of when I was there. All of me was there in that moment. Body, hand, brush, canvas. Touch, smell, sight, sense, sound. All there all at once. Just for a moment. There is nothing but there is everything.
Drop-in Mindfulness Meditation for Staff
I had the idea to organise drop-in mindfulness meditation sessions for staff at work. I want to provide a place where staff can practice as a community. Myself and my two colleagues are leading the meditations.